Tips and Grievances

We have put together a list of tips and grievances, along with some recommended pages to help you : -

Bertie's tips...

1. Delve deep into the spine with the aid of a straw!

2. Strive to seek the oldest, crustiest books you can lay your hands on.

3. Do not lurk shiftily around libraries, waiting for that window of opportunity - THEY KNOW!

4. Take long deep sniffs, and let the aroma flow gently through your nasal hair.

5. Never air your books unnecessarily by reading them.

6. Befriend old people - their houses wreak of old crusty books!

7. Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!

8. Never eat yellow snow!

9. Never go water-skiing when you have got diarrhoea!

10. And Never EVER take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time!!!

Benny's grievances...

1. The common cold/flu

2. The bookworm

3. Library security

4. The shock of inhaling flower pressings from the 1950's!

5. People who leave tomato sandwiches slammed shut in helpless, innocent pages.

6. Forest Fires - save our trees, for without them our lavish lifestyle is no more!

7. Clumsy Elephants!

8. The Internet - people don't visit the library as much - it is there that the best smells linger!

9. Cheese - it messes with your nasal system!

10. Aromatherapists who attempt to thwart the true smell of books with bits of dead plants.

11. French people who waft past smelling of garlic!

Classic pages we recommend...

1. Page 4770 - Wonderland of Knowledge - Vol. 10

2. Page 660 - The Shell Guide to Britain - (has been known to cure hiccups!)